Home Editorials Global Warming Theorist Cannot Possibly Be Wrong!
Global Warming Theorist Cannot Possibly Be Wrong! E-mail
Written by Roy Mandina   

Last night, as I was with a small group of people, each freezing our asses off in single digit temperature, I jokingly looked to the sky and asked, “where’s all that global warming we were promised?” Everyone one laughed except for one young gentleman. He stated, unequivocally, “these freezing temperatures are all part of the global warming process.” Most of us sneered at his comment and just went on to the next subject. Not so with me.

Me: So, let me get this straight. If the winter is unusually warm that would be a sign of global warming?

Young man: Yes.

Me: And if the winter is unusually cold that would also be a sign of global warming?

Young man: Yes.

Me: Well what if the next ten winters don’t change at all? Would that mean that there is no global warming?

Young man: No! That would still be proof of global warming.

Me: So whatever happens, it’s global warming.

Young man: Exactly.

Me: Wow! That’s amazing! We have to check your bloodline. You have to be related to my wife. According to her, no matter what happens, I'm always wrong. Again, everyone sneered at the young man.

When I got home last night I was tired and went to bed. Sometime during the night I had an eerie dream. In my dream I was waiting in an emergency room, very sick and uncomfortable due to a high fever and temperature of 103 degrees. My name was called out, rather loudly, over an antiquated P.A. system that had me thinking that I was going to be examined by either Marcus Welby or Ben Casey. In the examination room I was informed by the good doctor that I was the victim of a new and rare virus that raises the body temperature and that they were going to have to take many test and monitor  me closely for the next several days. Not intending to argue with the doctor, I tried to assure him that it feels most like any other fever that I had ever gotten in my adult life. He smiled, dismissed my mundane point, and assured me that he knew what he was talking about.

Now timing in dreams is not the same as real time. Suddenly, it’s the next day, I am back at the doctor's office. We are in the exact same place, nothing has changed, including the the self confident, all knowing, narcissistic look on the good doctor’s face. I am feeling better, and after the doctor removes the old fashioned mercury thermometer (from my mouth, thank God) I was about to say, “See doc? I told you ya,” when he says “This is a clear indicator of the virus.”  Now who am I to argue with a doctor?  To make a long dream short, it’s now the next day, I’m back at the doctor’s office, my temperature is down to 98.6! The good doctor looks at me and says, “Get your affairs in order. This is worse than I thought.”

This morning I woke up, realized I was running way behind schedule, dressed quickly and ran out the door. My body experienced an intense chill. I am now trying to decide if that chill was caused by my virus-related, unusually high body temperature of 98.6 degrees or the 12 degree temperature in N.Y. caused by the warming of the globe.